Do I have to wear a suit?

No. You do not need to wear a suit. Smart, clean, tidy clothing is fine. Think about what you might wear to a job interview or a formal meeting — that level. Avoid jeans, trainers, shorts, and anything with slogans or logos.

Can I bring someone with me?

Yes. You can bring a friend, family member, or support worker to sit with you in the waiting area. If you want someone to come into the courtroom with you, they can apply to be a McKenzie friend (someone who sits beside you, takes notes, and quietly advises you). You need to ask the judge for permission at the start of the hearing. You can also ask for an IDVA or Support Through Court volunteer.

What if I get emotional?

That is completely normal. Judges and court staff are used to people being upset. If you need a moment, it is okay to ask for a short break. Take tissues with you. Try to focus on the facts and what you need the judge to know, rather than the emotions of the situation. If you feel overwhelmed, take a breath, have some water, and carry on when you are ready.

Can I record the hearing?

No. It is a criminal offence to record court proceedings without the court's permission under the Contempt of Court Act 1981. This includes audio recording, video recording, and live-streaming. If you are caught, you could be fined or even imprisoned. You can take written notes.

What happens if I'm late?

If you are going to be late, call the court as soon as possible and let them know. The court may wait for you briefly or may proceed without you. If your case is heard without you, the judge can make orders in your absence, which could be very unfavourable. Aim to arrive at least 30 minutes early.

What to Wear and How to Behave at Family Court — A Practical Guide

Going to family court for the first time is nerve-wracking. You might not know what to wear, what to expect, or how to address the judge. This guide covers all the practical things — what to wear, what to bring, how to behave, and what to avoid — so you can walk in feeling as prepared as possible.

What is a family court hearing?

A family court hearing is a formal meeting in a courtroom (or sometimes a private room) where a judge hears your case. In financial remedy, you will typically have a First Directions Appointment (FDA), a Financial Dispute Resolution hearing (FDR), and possibly a final hearing.

Family court hearings in England and Wales are private — the public cannot attend. But they are still formal. The judge is in charge, and there are rules about how things work.

Why it matters

How you present yourself matters. The judge is a human being. They will form impressions based on how you dress, how you speak, and how you behave. You do not need to be perfect, but being prepared and respectful goes a long way — especially if you are representing yourself without a solicitor.

This is not about putting on an act. It is about showing the court that you take the process seriously.

What happens

Here is what a typical court day looks like:

Arriving

Aim to arrive at least 30 minutes before your hearing time. You will need to go through security (similar to airport security — bags scanned, walk through a metal detector). Allow time for this, especially at busy courts.

When you arrive, find the court usher or check the screens/notice boards for your case. The usher will tell you which courtroom or waiting area to go to.

Waiting

There is often a lot of waiting. Hearings do not always start on time. Bring something to read or do while you wait. You may be in the same waiting area as your ex — if this is a problem, tell the usher and ask if there is a separate room. If you have applied for special measures, these should already be in place.

In the courtroom

When your case is called, you go into the courtroom. The judge will usually be seated. You sit where directed — if you are not sure, ask the usher. The judge will explain what is going to happen.

After the hearing

The judge may give you their decision on the day, or they may "reserve judgment" and send it in writing later. The court will produce an order setting out what has been decided. Make sure you understand what you need to do next before you leave.

What you need to do

What to wear

Smart and tidy. Clean trousers or a skirt with a blouse, shirt, or jumper is fine. You do not need to buy anything new.
Avoid casual clothing. No jeans, trainers, shorts, flip-flops, baseball caps, or hoodies.
Avoid anything distracting. No clothing with large logos, slogans, or bold patterns. Keep jewellery simple.
Be comfortable. You might be sitting for hours. Wear shoes you can walk in and clothes that are not too tight or too warm.
Dark or neutral colours are safest, but you do not have to wear black.
Cover tattoos if possible — not required, but it keeps the focus on your case, not your appearance.

What to bring

Your court papers. Bring every document the court has sent you, plus your Form E, your ex's Form E, and any other documents filed in the case. Organise them in a folder or ring binder with tabs. Number the pages if you can.
A notebook and pen. You will want to take notes during the hearing.
Tissues and water. Courts usually have water available, but bring a bottle to be safe.
Snacks. Hearings can run long. Bring something to eat.
Your phone. You can bring it, but it must be on silent in the courtroom. You cannot use it to record.
Identification. Bring photo ID just in case.
A list of what you want to say. If you are representing yourself, write down your key points in order. You will be nervous, and having notes helps you stay on track.

How to address the judge

A District Judge is called "Sir" or "Madam"
A Circuit Judge is called "Your Honour"
A High Court Judge is called "My Lord" or "My Lady"

If you are not sure, "Sir" or "Madam" is always safe. The judge will not hold it against you if you get the title wrong — they know you are not a lawyer.

Court etiquette

Stand up when the judge enters and leaves the room
Do not interrupt. Wait for your turn to speak. If the judge is talking, listen. If your ex is talking, listen (even if you disagree — you will get your turn)
Speak clearly and calmly. Address the judge, not your ex. Even when you are talking about what your ex has done, direct your words to the judge
Be honest. If you do not know the answer to something, say so. If you made a mistake, acknowledge it
Do not argue with the judge. If you disagree with something, you can say so politely, but do not get into a back-and-forth
Keep your phone on silent. If it rings in court, it will not help your case

What NOT to do

Do not shout, swear, or make personal attacks. No matter how angry you are, the courtroom is not the place
Do not bring up things that are not relevant. The judge wants to hear about finances (at a financial hearing) or children (at a children hearing), not about the breakdown of the relationship
Do not post about the hearing on social media. Family court proceedings are private. Posting details could put you in contempt of court
Do not approach your ex in the court building if there are safety concerns or a non-molestation order in place
Do not lie. You are expected to be truthful. If you are caught lying, it will seriously damage your credibility

Special measures

If you are a victim of domestic abuse or feel intimidated, you can ask the court for special measures. These might include:

Separate waiting areas so you do not have to sit near your ex
Screens in the courtroom so you cannot see your ex (and they cannot see you)
Giving evidence by video link from a different room
Having an IDVA or support person with you
Staggered arrival and departure times

Ask for special measures in advance by writing to the court. Do not wait until the day of the hearing.

McKenzie friends

If you are representing yourself, you can ask to bring a McKenzie friend into the courtroom. This is someone (not a lawyer) who sits beside you and helps by taking notes, organising documents, and quietly giving you advice. They cannot speak to the judge on your behalf unless the judge gives specific permission (which is rare).

You need to ask the judge for permission at the start of the hearing. Bring a short letter introducing your McKenzie friend and explaining why you need their help.

Emotional preparation

Court is stressful. Here are some practical things that help:

Visit the court building beforehand if you can. Familiarity reduces anxiety.
Plan your journey. Know where you are going, where to park, and how long it takes. Build in extra time.
Eat a proper meal before you go. Low blood sugar makes everything harder.
Arrange childcare. Do not bring your children to court.
Have someone to call afterwards. Whether it goes well or badly, you will want someone to talk to.
Be kind to yourself. Attending court as a litigant in person takes courage. You are doing something hard.

What could go wrong

Arriving late. The court may proceed without you. Set multiple alarms if needed.
Not bringing your documents. Without your papers, you cannot refer to the facts. This weakens your position.
Getting drawn into an argument. If your ex tries to provoke you (in the waiting area or in the courtroom), do not engage. Walk away or tell the usher.
Forgetting to ask for what you need. Write down your requests before the hearing. If you need more time, a different hearing date, or a specific order, ask clearly.
Not understanding the order. Before you leave, make sure you understand what the judge has decided and what you need to do next. If you are not sure, ask.

Where to get help

Support Through Court — free, independent support at court for people without a lawyer — supportthroughcourt.org or 0300 081 0006
Citizens Advice — citizensadvice.org.uk or 0800 144 8848
Bar Pro Bono Unit — free legal help from barristers for people who cannot afford to pay — weareadvocate.org.uk
National Domestic Abuse Helpline — 0808 2000 247 (if you need help with special measures)
Your local court — call and ask to speak to a clerk if you have questions about the process